The creepiest children's book ever

Anyone else out there think the children's book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch is totally creepy? I had never read or even heard of this book prior to receiving it as a gift at my baby shower (and thank goodness for that because it probably would have scarred me for life if I'd read it as a child). It was given to me and the little peanut pie by my friend Erin who admitted that she only picked it because she remembered having it when she was young.

Throughout my pregnancy I'd periodically pick out a book we'd been given and read it. I have to say that when I got around to Love You Forever I was a little horrified. Apparently it's one of the best selling children's books of all time, ranked 4th by Publisher's Weekly back in 2001, according to Wikipedia. And Maria Shriver can't read it without crying (also Wikipedia), so maybe it's just me.

If you're not familiar with the story it begins with a mother holding her newborn baby while singing a lullaby:

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."

Not such a bad start. Quite sweet actually. But then the crawling across the room starts. Now I've tiptoed into the little guy's room to watch him sleep a time or two, but I've never felt the need to crawl across the room, pick him up out of his crib and rock him back and forth (doesn't this lady know you're supposed to let sleeping babies SLEEP?). I'm quite sure I won't be doing it when he's 2 years old, or 9 years old, or a teenager. And I'm sure as shit not going to drive across town, sneak into my grown son's bedroom window, crawl across the floor and pick him up to rock him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Now each time the mother is rocking her increasingly older son back and forth, back and forth, she sings the lullaby. But before each new trek across her kid's floor she's basically talking about what a horrible child he is. He runs around the house, he flushes her watch down the toilet, he never wants to take a bath, he swears like a sailor when grandma is around, he has strange friends and listens to strange music. She never has anything good to say about him. He drives her crazy! He belongs in a zoo! But she loves him anyway and across his floor she goes. And then he up and leaves her. Grows up and moves all the way across town. How dare he?! I feel sorry for whoever this poor sap marries. Talk about the helicopter mother-in-law from hell.

And then this poor guy, probably in therapy because he keeps waking up to find his mother crawling across his bedroom floor, gets a call from her one day. She says, "You better come and see me because I'm very old and sick." So now she's totally guilt-tripping him. He goes over, dutiful son that he is, and it's supposed to be all poignant because this time he's the one rocking her back and forth, back and forth, and singing his version of the lullaby. And then she dies. Or it's at least implied that she dies. SERIOUSLY? Like I'm going to read my young son a book about his mother (ME!) dying? I don't think so.

The son returns home only to pick up his newborn daughter, rock her back and forth, yadda yadda, singing his mother's lullaby and the twisted cycle starts all over again. At least he doesn't crawl across the floor.

Before I started this post I did a little research into the book, which according to the author's website is very popular with the retirement community set. It turns out that Love You Forever was inspired by the author's two stillborn babies. Now that made me feel a little bad about what I was planning to write about it, but I can't help it. IT CREEPS ME OUT!

Incidentally, I also saw on Wikipedia that Love You Forever was featured in a Friends episode in which Joey does a dramatic reading of it. I must have missed that one but I bet is was hilarious.  

The strange power of Emma Watson

When The Circle by Dave Eggers was first released I was mildly intrigued by the hype and glowing reviews but opted not to read it for a couple of reasons. I thought A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, his Pulitzer Prize finalist debut, was staggeringly overrated. And frankly, the subject matter of The Circle totally freaks me out. What I gather from the blurb and reviews is that the book is about a young woman who lands her dream job at a google-like company where sharing on social media is a requirement and then things get all out of hand and scary. Or something like that. I happen to find social media more than a little alarming so I decided not to read The Circle because I was afraid it would scare the bejesus out of me way more than any book in the actual horror genre could. (Yes, I am well aware that I am sharing my fear of internet sharing through a blog on the internet for the entire world to see, but I figure my only readers at this point are my husband and some lady in Delaware who stumbled across this while looking for gardening sites. And for the record, I am not on twitter, instagram or snap chat--whatever that is--and I pretty much only use Facebook to post pictures of my baby. BECAUSE HE'S ADORABLE. Incidentally, Ray Bradbury totally nailed society's current obsession with social media and pacifier technology in his short story "The Murderer." In 1953. The man was a prophet! Well, maybe not about that robot grandmother thing.)

So, yes, all that. But now I have to read The Circle because I just found out that Emma Watson has been cast in the lead role. And in Emma I trust (The Bling Ring notwithstanding). After all, Emma Watson was Hermione freaking Granger. And she was in one of my four favorite movies of the past three years, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (the other three being Pitch Perfect, About Time and The Way, Way Back). She was the best thing about This Is the End. I am peeing my pants excited for her turn as Belle in the upcoming live action Beauty and the Beast, my favorite Disney movie, though I have to admit that Stitch takes favorite character honors. (My husband is excited to see Luke Evans as his hero Gaston*, but I'm not quite convinced there's no one as burly or brawny. And there may actually be bits of him that are scraggly and scrawny. I'll reserve judgment until I see the movie. That whole cast is pretty incredible, actually. Ian McKellen as Cogsworth! Emma Thompson--another amazing Emma--as Mrs. Potts!)  In my eyes, Hermione Emma Watson can do no wrong. Well, not even Emma Watson could make me sit through Noah, but I'm sure she was fantastic in it. And she can rock a pixie cut in ways I can only dream about.

If The Circle is good enough for Emma Watson, then it's good enough for me. Onto the To Read list it goes. I've also been meaning to read the Queen of the Tearling books by Erika Johansen which Emma's not only supposed to star in, but produce as well. This hasn't popped up on her IMDb page yet so who knows if the movies will actually get made. Iffy reviews on amazon had slackened my Queen of the Tearling interest, but my sister just read the first one and liked it so I'll probably get around to it one of these days. And I should never have let amazon trolls make me doubt Emma Watson.

I could mention that two people, an old boss and my niece, have told me that I look like Emma Watson but that would turn this nice post from a genuine, well-balanced fan into something creepy and weird, if for no other reason than I'm way older than her (not helping my case). Besides, I don't see the resemblance. Nor do I see a resemblance between myself and Claire Danes, but I used to get that ALL THE TIME.

*